Tag Archives: dementape-letters

Shameless Blog Promotion, Part XXII

Addison Road got some big ups this week at Next Wave Magazine, one of the main online publications for the emerging church. The editor over there, Bob, included two of Addy’s past posts in the January issue. One is the first of The Dementape Letters and the second is one of Michael’s hilarious and pointed Purpose Productions Comics.

If you’ve just clicked over from Next Wave, welcome to the Road House! Glad to have you. Grab a beverage and hang awhile. If you’re a longtime reader, check out Next Wave and vote in the article polls for our features. (You can find the polls on the right-hand side of the page. If we find out you voted “Ugh, please, don’t print articles like this again!,” expect a visit from Vinnie the Kneecap.)

The Dementape Letters: Six

Posts in the The Dementape Letters series

  1. The Dementape Letters: One
  2. The Dementape Letters: Two
  3. The Dementape Letters: Three
  4. The Dementape Letters: Four
  5. The Dementape Letters: Five
  6. The Dementape Letters: Six

[Ah, Aunt Dementape...how we've missed your misanthropic take on the Emerging Church. It's been so long since we've had the horrific pleasure of your correspondence that some of us may need to refresh our feeble memories here, and thereby relive the dark magic of your virtual poison pen.]

To my dear niece, Gutrot:

Please accept my apologies for my long absence. As you probably know, I was on a Special Covert Assignment — handed down directly from Our Father Below — and was not able to communicate via normal channels. I cannot reveal the details, but I will tell you that all’s well on the sub-Saharan front. Be assured that I’ve been kept abreast of your progress.

I’ve lately been perusing your most recent reports on the local Emerging Church (yes, my Assistant Under-Head, Swellgore, has kept the files meticulously up-to-date), and I am pleased with the newest developments. You really are out-darkening my lowest expectations, Niece. Never in my wildest nightmares did I imagine you would prove to be such a valuable contributor to my Department of Kingdom Thwartation. Keeping on your current track, your descent down the ladder of success will be swift indeed, and the buffet of souls virtually endless. (If my magnanimity makes you apprehensive, never fear…I had such success with my CovertOp that I’m finding it difficult to be my usual malevolent self, but I’m confident I’ll regain my equilibrium presently.)

The confusion you have sown in your local E.C. with regard to the concept of “Righteousness” is delicious. I can almost taste the Chaos. However did you think of such an ingenius approach? You’ve masterfully suggested they pay special attention to certain books and theologians which explain that “Righteousness” is best understood as related closely to “Justice.” And while we know it couldn’t be more true — though not quite in the way your Subjects imagine — this “new” idea has certainly stood them on their heads.

Does this mean personal Holiness is a paranoid idea birthed by the evil, obsessive Puritans and now we can stop being so concerned with our behavior?, they ask with frantic fervor…half-hopeful, half-afraid. Does this mean we can do whatever we wish, so long as we don’t oppress anyone, so long as we’re passionately active in setting the captive free?

Oh yes, Gutrot. Sumptuous. They’re positively titillated by the possibilities, blinded to the Truth that Justice is never truly Just when divorced of good old fashioned Morality, and that Morality is never really Righteous if not married to a prophetic demand for Justice. Hell knows why The Enemy’s Children have always found it so difficult to hold these concepts in tandem, to see how fundamentally akin they are. How can they not sense in their miserable guts that “personal” Immorality is necessarily oppressive, that a Moral Righteousness is the warp upon which the very fabric of Justice is woven?

Well, let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth. (I realize I’m preaching to the demonic choir, as it were…you’ve done remarkable work.) I encourage you to continue your twin attacks in this arena, as they are proving most effective. On the one front, persist in allowing them to be enthusiastic about Justice For All — so long as you keep up the second front (tempting the individual Subjects toward unHoly thoughts and acts of all kinds), it can’t hurt. If we are lucky, their feelings that their “personal Holiness” is wholly irrelevant to the dratted Kingdom will undermine all their Just pursuits…and wreck their lives and relationships in the process, which is always nice.

Keep up the Evil work, my dear. You are a credit to your Mother.

Your vile and affectionate Aunt,
Dementape

Previous in series: The Dementape Letters: Five