Addison Road

Once a year, the government decides that, instead of being a competent musician and decent professor, I should spend several hours pretending to be an accountant. It’s Gretchen’s favorite time of year, because she sits huddled up in the corner of the couch glancing over with frightened puppy-dog eyes as I make bellowing grunts of frustration every 10 seconds. The only way I get through it is by drinking several beers, and getting progressively more and more hammered as the night goes on. By the time I’m finished, I’m making such staggeringly brilliant connections as:

1. Childcare costs incurred while Gretchen is working as a florist are deductible, and
2. I frequently watch the kids while she is doing a wedding, and
3. I pretty much always take them to the LA Zoo on those days, which means
4. We should be able to deduct the cost of our Annual Pass to the zoo as a childcare related expense!

By the time the evening is over, I’m pretty much too sloshed to legally sign my name to anything, so I leave everything scattered on the table, stagger off to bed, and wonder why there is a special deduction category for payments received as part of a settlement agreement pertaining to the Ottoman Empire.

By the way, if anyone asks, I went ahead and listed all 198 of you as dependents. If you could just email me your social security numbers, that would be great.