ProTip: Paying for your House

Addison Road proudly presents today’s Real Estate ProTip:

The day you put an offer on a house, gather up every dollar you have, in every account, including any money you can possibly borrow from family and friends, and withdraw it all as cash. Then, for the duration of your escrow, simply carry around a large bag full of cash, and when people ask you for money, reach into the bag and hand them a fistful of sweaty bills. Don’t even bother asking them what the money is for, just give it to them.

This way, you avoid nasty snags like your local bank (where you have had your accounts for over 10 years) (oh, and which holds many tens of thousands of dollars of your own money) placing a hold on all incoming funds, thus delaying your ability to wire money directly into the escrow account, and moving your close date back by another week.

Wells Fargo, you are dead to me. From now on, all of my financial transaction will be handled by a brown bag full of sweaty bills. At least the bag doesn’t charge me a transaction fee every time I open it.

15 thoughts on “ProTip: Paying for your House

  1. Eric

    Dang. To put things in a different perspective, we have good friends who showed up at their closing only to have the seller say they were exercising their contractual option to postpone the closing for 30 days. Our friends had already sold the house they had been living in and the movers were packing up all their belongings for delivery to the new place the next day. They had to rush back to the house and grab some clothes, instruments, music and other essentials off the truck and arrange to put their stuff in storage for a month.

    Along with their pre-teen son & daughter, they spent the month of December availing themselves of the kindness of strangers (well, friends and acquaintances, anyway), moving from place to place. It will be well worth it when you get there.

  2. sharolyn

    Eric, I like that in your story, instruments and music were considered “essentials”.

    Mike, this sucks. I wish I could be there, to do anything remotely helpful.

  3. Trevor Carpenter

    Mike. Lame.

    Wait, no, I wasn’t saying that you, Mike, are lame. I was saying that this situa…ah, forget it.

    Would it help if we all pledged to cause some structural damage to our local Wells Fargo? You know, there’s always that merit badge we earned, but got no credit for! I think some of it made it into the Anarchist’s Cookbook. You know…

  4. Zack

    Eff it, Mike.

    Let’s burgle some shit. (I called Matty, and he’s in. Camo and night-vision goggles included)

  5. Jon

    WF is my lender and due to a lack of doing their job well/competence/general business practice we’ve already missed our escrow close date once. They’ve had a nasty habit of saying they would do or schedule something and forget to actually do it for three weeks. If they hadn’t given us a ridiculously good interest rate I might actually dislike them.

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