Things you don’t want to hear the “Sound Engineer” say when setting up your keyboards for an outdoor wedding gig:

  1. No, I didn’t bring any direct boxes, I was just going to mic your amp.
  2. Yeah, those sm58s are for the string quartet. I’m going to put them in a stereo pair to capture the whole group.
  3. Phantom … power? Your active direct box needs … phantom power? Wait, your keyboard is powered from the direct box? What about that power cable? I don’t understand … what is phantom power?
  4. Yes, I hear the distortion. It’s probably because we had to chain 4 xlr cables together. That causes the signal to lose strength, running 100 feet of xlr like that.
  5. You bring your own DI boxes and xlr cables to a gig, just in case? Wow, you must run into a lot of bad sound guys, eh. Huh huh.
  6. Yeah, so I’m running your line into the fender combo amp mixer, amping it, then running it into the Numark DJ mixer, and from there to the powered speakers. Yeah, I don’t know why things sound distrorted.
  7. That boom mic doesn’t really stay in place anymore. When it starts to drop, can you just kind of hunch over a little bit as you sing?

5 thoughts on “Sound-tastrophy

  1. Chad

    Chad Hearts Weddings.

    Perhaps my favorite wedding soundman craptastic moment happened at the wedding of our good friend Matty. My lovely wife was singing “How Beautiful,” attempting to overcome the screeching feedback (we were outdoors.)

    I was playing an electronic keyboard, with direct outs to the board.

    Overheard from the board… “I think the keyboard is feeding back!”

    “How beeeaaauuuttteeeeffffuuullll — SSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  2. James

    oh dear….

    My personal favorite:
    “No, I don’t have any of those (in reference to Direct boxes)… Well can’t we just plug the guitar and keyboard into your bass amp? What do you mean, not enough inputs? What’s that hole for?”

    This coming from a man who claims he worked with Earth, Wind and Fire… The church he works for thinks he is the sound god…

  3. Pi

    I feel ill.
    I had to take this post in chunks.
    Pausing to weep for this poor man’s soul each time.
    I felt a piece of me disappear between points three and four.

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