So, our very own Mr. Stick has accepted a teaching gig. Once a week, he trucks down from his mountain retreat to mold the young minds of the flailing music students at William Jessup University. Apparently, they’re so desperate for teachers that they overlooked his obvious character flaws and total lack of competence, and let him loose on the topic of “Audio Recording.” Pfffft. Like Stick has any experience to bring to that class. He’ll probably just lecture straight from the book, with no practical application at all. Probably.
So, anyway, congratulations Stick. I believe classes start this week. I thought we could use this post to give the new professor some really, really bad advice to get him started off right! I’ll start:
Most students mistake weird for smart. If you can’t inspire through overwhelming mastery of the subject, inspire through eccentricity. The end result is the same. Mostly.
Best of luck, Stick. Advise on, my fearless roadsters.
harmonicminer 3:44 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
He was talking to me and just doesn’t want to admit it.
Come to think of it, I’d better start watching my back.
michael lee 3:50 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
Phil, I already have your job. Remember that whole meeting with Duane?
Your job is now to sit around in your enormous office, not teach classes, belittle the students, and start shouting matches at committee meetings. It’s the closest thing we have to tenure.
harmonicminer 3:54 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
I’ll be really good at that. Especially the shouting matches. Maybe Stick should make a similar offer to Tom, if Tom would like to survive the school year.
Tom Ruscica 7:27 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
Stick I wanted to let you know I’m writing this on my standard issue WJU iPhone. Don’t forget to pick yours up next time you’re at the school. Phil, you’ll have to apply like everyone else. (and I’m the search committee). Kind of sorry you gave that crappy grade in orchestration back in ‘91 aren’t you? HA!
michael lee 8:40 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
iPhone you say? Where should I email my CV?
harmonicminer 8:59 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
My 1969 volkswagen bus had CVs… two of them. Pretty much the only joints I ever smoked.
Tom: I’ll just wait a couple of months before I apply to the University of Stickle Studies… I’m sure the personnel of the search committee will have changed by then….
Tom Ruscica 9:32 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
Phil – If you only knew my life the last couple of months you would understand why your comments make me flinch, along with this wierd creepy eye flutter.
harmonicminer 9:35 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
I get that reaction a lot. Really.
Tom Ruscica 11:15 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
Is the definition of pain watching your students struggle with one of your midterms, or is it worse to actually take the midterm yourself? I choose the former. Am I a bad person if I enjoy it…just a little?? Not that I do…Kind of…because I don’t..do..don’t.
michael lee 11:26 pm on 17 September 2008 Permalink
Oh man, watching my students struggle is the whole reason I got into teaching! I thrive on their salty tears.
Tom Ruscica 12:29 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
True, but I think they were kind of freaked out when I rubbed my hands together and let a diabolical laugh escape my lips.
michael lee 12:52 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
Tom, Brandy, you may not know it yet, but you are soooo our people. Welcome to the blog. I hope you stick around.
Chad 1:29 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
I directed a HS choir at our church for the past six years. (I’m on a bit of a sabbatical this year) One of the sponsors told me that one of the senior boys gave this big speech about how at least once on the weeklong tour, I would get enraged at them and dress them down, and that this was all a part of the Agape experience and they should just go with it, as it always made the choir better.
I was :
A – Touched that he understood that they needed a verbal beat down from time to time.
and…
B – Determined to prove the little punk wrong just to mess with them. I was all sugar and sweet last June. It really kept them off balance. I love messing with children.
Stick 10:39 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
So, I am supposed to have a lesson plan or something?
I think I’ll have them show me how to use Reason.
I gotta say, I am looking forward to having a quiz on ProTools key commands. [snicker] It’ll be just like back in the old days when I had to know what EVERY button and knob on the analog console did.
Also, I’m thinking I’ll have them call me Brian, or Supreme Commander, perhaps grade dependent.
harmonicminer 10:40 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
Try this. You should be addressed as:
Prof. The Artist Formerly Known As Stick
Stick 10:43 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
Yeah, then next year I can just be “#5″.
michael lee 11:00 pm on 18 September 2008 Permalink
You should insist that they not make eye contact when asking questions.
june 2:51 pm on 19 September 2008 Permalink
I’m thinking you should wear black eyeliner and black nail polish for the first day of class. Just for funsies.
Chad 2:57 pm on 19 September 2008 Permalink
…like when you mix.
Brandy Ruscica 2:48 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Hey there Mr. Stick…how was your first class????
Tom Ruscica 3:49 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Ok, here’s the feedback straight from the students:
TJ Guardino: “He was really cool, no matter what he was talking about, I just kept asking about how to mic my tub amp – and he didn’t even care…”
Jeff Aulich: “No WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s the “Errrr” in the bud commercial!!!!!!! – I’m SERIoussssss…”
Tyler De Young: “I was impressed. I guess he’s a real musician too.”
Chris True: Huh?
Roger Heu: ________________(insert cricket sound here.)
By normal WJU standards this is a very positive review. Congratulations Stick – It’s great to have you on board.
michael lee 4:30 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Way to go, Stick.
june 7:04 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Now, if only your wife wasn’t so offensive, insulting and degrading!
(Nope, still haven’t let it go. I blame you, Mike.)
june 7:07 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Everyone should know, the Stick still has no voice tonight. (He went completely hoarse after talking/teaching for three hours.)
hee hee hee!
I mean…oh man, I’m so sorry babe!
Stick 7:10 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Yeah, it was pretty fun. Until my voice gave out. I really do sound like a frog today. I don’t know how you full time teachers do it. 3 hours is a long time to talk. Can you say, “lab time!”
The guys are pretty cool. Tom’s characterizations are pretty right on. In the first class I was able to inform them that analog recording is dumb and old, and that micing TJ’s tube amp isn’t going to sound as good as going direct through Eleven. Even if he does put that cardioid patterened SM57 off-axis (see, they’re getting some good stuff here!).
Not only that, but I’m not even going to show them where things are in the ProTools menus. KEY COMMANDS! The mix may sound lame, but at least they’re going to get there fast! HA HA!
Just think, 6 more little Sticks running around the audio world! Mwah ha ha ha!
michael lee 7:23 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
apple remote desktop + in-class mini projects = still having a voice, and your sanity.
Tom Ruscica 7:44 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Good evening everyone. For the first hour tonight you’ll be journaling.
Students: “but this is Recording Class”
Answer: “shut up and start writing. You just cost yourself 50 points. ”
Student: “but Sti…Mr. Steckler…”
Answer: “Get out TJ”
= Fresh Voice
= Fresh voice. Really, I use it all the time.
michael lee 8:13 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Seriously, you have to plan those break points. Otherwise you’ll just be drowning in the sound of your own voice.
june 8:30 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
I never thought I’d see the day where a phrase such as “drowning in the sound of your own voice” was directed in any way towards my husband.
michael lee 9:07 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Oh, you’ve never listened in on one of our 3 a.m. mocha-chip ice-cream and trash talk marathon phone calls. He just goes oooon and ooooon about what so and so was wearing, and about how he thinks Brad might ask him to prom, but he doesn’t know if he should say yes, because he really wants to go with Kevin, but should he hold out, because what if Kevin never asks, and then he has NOBODY to go with?
Most of the time i just put the phone on mute and watch The Daily Show.
harmonicminer 9:08 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Stick, just remember that the basic role of a professor is to aggrandize himself at the expense of his students, and you’ll be fine.
If you start actually teaching, and creating competition for the rest of us, we’ll hunt you down without mercy.
michael lee 9:09 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Remember, if your students master your content, they will take away your gigs. Gotta keep those youngsters in their place!
Do you think any of them have found the blog yet? heh heh.
harmonicminer 9:11 pm on 23 September 2008 Permalink
Yeah, I’ve been noticing that for some time now….
Maybe I’ll take up carpentry or something.
Leonard 7:29 am on 24 September 2008 Permalink
If every once in a while you look off to the right and shout… “I like shiny things” people will add to your title Savant. For you sucky Angel Fans the first part of the joke would be idiot… WJU is five minutes from my house, congrats on the job. In teaching people it is essential that you make them believe you know how to hide the bodies of dissenters. This god-like fear you create in them keeps them from turning you into the authorities.
michael lee 7:49 am on 24 September 2008 Permalink
Also, at a place WJU, you’ve got a good two years of built-up fear and obedience from their church background, before they start to question authority and demand “reasons” for your “ideas”.