First Covenant Church of Visalia has a new missions statement:
First Covenant Church exists for the passion and purpose of inspiring, discipling, equipping and sending out Christ followers with the destiny of transforming the world to the glory of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and fostering a graceful yet convicting church environment in which people of all faith experiences and backgrounds are molded into the image and reflection of Christ, together creating a God-honoring community of authentic worshipers deliberately focused on reaching their community, the nation, the next generation of believers and the world through missions works, innovative programs and prayer.
from Lark News.
Are there any English majors reading that who can tell me if that qualifies as a coherent thought? I couldn’t even read the whole thing through without losing focus.
I like the response from the kid to the suggestion of a cash prize for a “better” mission statement:
“How about, ‘Jesus rules,’” says one seventh grader. “They should pay me by how many words I didn’t use.”
There should be a junior high kid on every church board to cut through the BS.
English Major, checking in.
I would answer but it’s too hard to type and vomit at the same time.
eight commas, no semicolons, no em- or en- dashes, and one period, and absolutely no clarity
hilarious… but fictitious.
we’re all aware of Lark News, right?
yup.
I’ve always liked “Turn or burn.”
No, “we’re” not. Is it like the Christian version of the Onion or something?
June, most excellent. You’re like the seventh grader but with your priorities right. [evil grin]
You could triple the level of rational thought if you simply added to the end: “…and keeping each other’s shoes tied.”
[laughing]
Lark News is, yes, a parody site similar to The Onion. It’s also clearly written by someone with a very long history of church culture, because most of their parody is pitch perfect.
Well said, Mike. And coincidentally, it’s the same pitch perfect tone that I love about Matt Groening’s stuff.
Thank you, darling, for the great explanaishe.
Yeah… Lark News is actually too funny to be written by a Christian, I think.
Chad, Chad, Chad.
I loff heem.
Parody, huh? Really? Too bad, I wanted to visit them…..
Sorry, June… I call it like I see it… :(
Look, I’ve had a solid laugh at church from time to time, and not even on accident. All I’m saying is that evangelicalism doens’t seem to be producing any Tina Feys or Mitch Hedburgs.
Gimme genius, people!
Of course, most clean Christians don’t die of heroin overdoses either, so…
Actually…The Lark is written by a Ventura County boy, a regular attender at Calvary Community Church.
I’ll invite him to post.
We would love it!