I kinda want to take a nap and eat some food now.

(This was the presentation I heard at Black Lake Bible Camp, circa 1981. For reals.)

No Irish deity likes to be left in the entryway Chad. Give O’Christ a comfy seat on the sofa and all your troubles will go away. That’s the Christian experience: trouble-free. And skinny.

Have you tried reading your bible and praying more? If you did, I think you’d find that God is there for you, through the midst of the storm, like eagles wings. Remember, those deeper footsteps in the sand are where he carried you. He will never leave you, nor forsake you, and his burden is easy. Practice the fruits of the spirit, and just wait on the Lord.

Also, have you thought about joining a small group? When Jesus founded the church, it was his intent that all of your problems be solved through forced intimacy with socially awkward people in your same general age-and-stage of life.

Go Team Jesus!

I’m trying (in the crotchety old-friend way) to encourage you not to be too concerned with other people’s junk. You don’t need it.

Thanks. It’s nice to hear that someone else has walked this road.

I just thought you should know that.

Otherwise…what Aly said.

(I’m sure I haven’t the foggiest what it’s like to be in “leadership” at a church. For this I’m quite grateful indeed.)

Once upon a time I made a decision to move on from a position where I felt like this was happening over and over again, and the senior pastor told me that he thought it would be more detrimental to the church if I left than if HE left. (He had been there for decades). I thought to myself–”Then why aren’t you LISTENING TO ME!?!?”

Eventually everything worked out really well in the long run…but it’s really hard to live in that place for an extended period of time. It’s OK for a while, but eventually you just want to give up.

Chad:
You-me+wifes. Dinner on us. You pick the place. Soon.

Here’s my very best advice, my friend: Don’t believe your press. Taking your cues from everybody else will only make you crazier.

In one of my favorite books of all time, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Anne Lamott warns against listening to KFKD, the radio station that plays in each of our heads. In one ear, we’re serenaded by the smooth jazz of self-aggrandizement. In the other, we’re lambasted by the rapcore death metal of self-loathing.

Neither one is the truth.

Don’t let the church folks — or your mom, for that matter (love you, Teri!) — tune your radio for you. (And also try to be aware when you’re listening too long to one ear or the other.) You’re not the best there’s ever been, and you’re certainly not the worst. Be okay with that.

I’m also extremely certain that I’ve got a few things about church life pegged squarely to the wall. There are some things, at least locally, that I have to say that nobody wants to hear, and it has as much to do with the rest of the church growing up as it has with me growing up.

I’ve had people, alleged grown-ups, look me right in the eye and tell me that I was the pillar of the church for two years. Good grief, the other night, my own mother told me that I was more responsible for spiritual growth in her life than any other person.

I then tell them that we’re poised for a new reformation, that church structure is badly damaged and hurtful to pastors and only slightly resembles an Acts church, and they tell me that I need to grow up.

Which is it? Am I the prophet with insight from the Holy Spirit or a whiny kid? They seem to want it both ways, and I just don’t want to let them do it, because I think I was placed there for their maturation as much as my own.

Chad, I think I really have gotten quite good at 1) not sharing anything of significance with anyone I don’t think will at least somewhat ‘get it’ and 2) ignoring well-intentioned but utterly moot and/or ill-informed or fear-filled comments of my fellow brethren. Perhaps this skill is a perk that comes with being closer to 40 than to 30. (Or, maybe it has more to do with a low IQ.) Also, for whatever reason, I have no delusions about anyone in “full-time ministry” being anything other than the struggling slobs we all are. I suppose that’s also why it doesn’t throw me when Christians flounder, per se. (Not saying that you are fishy-like. I’m just sayin’.) I guess what I’m saying is that I’d think your were a little freaky-deaky if everything was just falling into place like dominoes. Thay would just be so……..unbiblical. And you getting all wigged out just seems like part of the whole growing up process.

It’s so nice that this is a blog. I would never, ever, ever, ever tell you in person to “just grow up.” (I’m not saying that here either, but it sure sounds like it!)

I write a Sunday morning mail that goes out to over 600 i post it at sundaymorningmail.wordpress.com It is what God has called me to do for over three years now. and trust me, I have tried to quit. I have felt abandoned and even have tried to quit. So I canempathise with your feelings.

Sorry to have misread you, then. Just so you know, it was difficult to discern where you were coming from. Perhaps it’s just the headspace I’m in, but it felt as if you were in the hunt for a debate. :)

Most Christians I know.

Most Christians I know are made profoundly uncomfortable with a (former) Professional Christian expressing doubt / grief / any sort of spiritual trauma. It always feels like a discussion intended to make sure my doctrine stays pure, rather then allowing for the process to make some sort of something resembling headway.

I have flashed back to a former boss (not the one who caused all the current trauma, but caused plenty in his own day) and remembered a statement he used to make that rang hollow even back then. He used to say, “I care about who you are, not just what you can do.” I have found the exact opposite to be largely true in this process. Even those who have the best of intentions, who love me the most; strike me as threatened, spiritually speaking, by what I have had to say. Everyone’s quick to point out that God didn’t abandon me, complete with chapter and verse as a backup, but only a handful have actually taken a few moments to just listen before they launch into their rebuttal… ironically kind of like I did this morning with David. :(

As long as I’m here, David, would you mind sharing the intent of your post?

My first thought was that it sounded like some sort of rebuke of what I was feeling / thinking / etc. Am I wrong?

What gives?

It’s not about you

I was reading a blog the other day and have contemplated the subject for a few days now. The following is a quote.

       “God told me two years ago to do something, and I did it. I completed the task. I finished the race. I fought a good fight. I can say, without hesitation, that I obeyed Him.
In the end, at least thus far, it hasn’t gone “My” way, or at least in the direction that I thought it should. The end result has seemed like it in no way justifies the sweat, blood, and tears that I invested. I felt like I was at the end of a big fat cosmic, “Eff You! See ya sucka!”

It made me reflect of one of the characteristics of God.

God wants us all to obey Him. He doesn’t leave any doubt that when we do that there will be this huge reward nor will there be satisfaction for ourselves. It is in the obedience that God is glorified. God doesn’t need our help to accomplish what ever it is that He wants done. What God does want is our lives. Lives that are totally devoted to His cause, to His glory, to his work.

One only has to look at the life of Jonah to find this characteristic and see it unfold before us. Jonah new what God wanted from him. Jonah knew that God could easily accomplish the task without him. Jonah knew that in the end what God wanted would come to fruition. Yet he rebelled. Jonah ran. After some time (in the belly of a great fish) Jonah relented and obeyed God’s call on His life.

       Jonah 3:3
Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh. Now Nineveh was a very important city–a visit required three days.

Jonah preached the news that God had laid on his heart.  He didn’t have to do much convincing and the city changed.

       Jonah 3: 5
        The Ninevites believed God.
        10 When God saw what they did and how they turned from their   evil ways, he had         
        compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened.

At this point I think Jonah knew it wasn’t about him and his obedience.

Jonah 4: 1 But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry. 2 He prayed to the Lord, “O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. 3 Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.” 4 But the Lord replied, “Have you any right to be angry?”

Even in his anger, Jonah realized it was all about God.

The characteristics of God. Graciousness, compassion, and…

Let us never forget when we are following the call of God and being obedient to His call, it is not about us.

It is all about giving Glory to God.

How was album sales this Sunday?

I also blogged and linked to your iTunes, so maybe something will come of that.
Look for a sudden explosion of your digital sales…or not…

On the journey we learned each others moods and ways, we learned each others strengths and weaknesses, we learned how to support and be there for each other, how to cover each others back. And week after week we made a space for God to fill, and He filled it! He was glorified through His son and hearts were filled with love and desire for more of Jesus. We did it without extra money, without fanfare, without ads in the local paper or anything that most people think of as the way “church is done”. We stood toe to toe with Satan and everything of this world that tells you, “you can’t”, “you don’t have the training or the experience or the means…”. We did it, not because someone told us to, but because Jesus is more than adequate and God wanted us to show people how incredible he is and to remind them of the roots of their faith. It was great. I loved it.

We fought the good fight and when it was time we quietly and humbly stepped aside. I know now, more than at any other time in my life, what it means to be part of a band of brothers, to do spiritual battle, and to be part of sewing the seeds of God’s word (Jesus) into the hearts of believers. I wouldn’t trade the last 12 months for anything. The early church, with it’s stories about Jesus and sharing everything - joy and burdens, is the only way to do church. I am brothers with you Chad, always.

The story isn’t over but the situation is very different and the chapter we’re on right now is pretty dull, boring and incredibly disappointing. It contrasts with the last 12 months in almost every way, on every level. Before God was vibrant and alive, we were vibrant and alive because of Him and now someone has poured molasses over the whole thing and we are mired and drowning in mind numbing, teeth rotting, bed pan clanging, retirement home, slow death by doctrine.

Someone has taken the spotlight off Jesus and I don’t know how to gently put it back. I seem to only know how to use a sword and sledge and I don’t have the patience to work at stripping away 10 years of weak, watered-down-Jesus, death-by-doctrine seminary taught preaching that blocks my view of Jesus. I just want Jesus back and I want him back NOW!!! It that too much to ask of a Christian church???

All I know is that I’m unwilling to go quietly, to passively sheepishly numbly accept where we are. So, without any tools, without any training, without the proper attitude, here I go.