Come on baby…

Hey Roadies…

So, here’s the scoop:

My beautiful wife of 8.4 years and I have spoken a couple of times on “Date Nights” for local groups. The basic gist is the importance of romancing your significant other, as well as creative ways to do so, long after the proverbial “honeymoon” is over.

I’ll post again next week, and tell a bit more of what Rona and I actually talk about, but I was hoping you guys can give us a hand for our next speaking engagement. With complete understanding of the can of worms I’m about to open (given the high average intelligence and the low average maturity of the Addison crew), I pose the following question:

How do you continue to light the fire in your significant other?

Sincerely,

Matty

23 thoughts on “Come on baby…

  1. aly hawkins

    There’s this little thing called massage oil…

    If I have to be serious (God help us) I’d say, Be interested. Nothing tops the charge of someone caring about how you were browsing CCM artist’s sites today and have this theory about professional Christians, fame and quantum mechanics. Genuine interest in minutia is a heady aphrodisiac. And also massage oil.

  2. Cerise

    I asked Ramon about this one – we’ve come up with: 1. sense of humor (i.e., ability to break up fights, crying jags and general whining with a rueful laugh at oneself), 2. keenness (well, the word ‘keenness’ is mine) to always be learning new things, any things, and 3. common, small courtesies – pleases and thank yous and kisses when we leave for work and get home in the evenings.

    I’ll say myself that the power of tequila is not to be underestimated in lowering inhibitions. Also, making a comfy, sexy nest of pillows, comforters and other things on your living room floor and having a sleepover is most effective in mixing things up.

  3. Chad

    There is no such thing as sex.
    Your bodies are not wonderlands.
    Don’t make baby Jesus cry.

    But seriously….

    Yeah, this thread is like waving a prime rib cut in front of a dog… or a red cape in front of a bull… or like a hot, leggy blonde dancing in front of a group of lacrosse players.

    This could go pear shaped quickly, is what I’m saying.

    In the interest of avoiding legal prosecution / goring / dog saliva, I will answer honestly first, and save snarky, dirty comments for later.

    This has been my story, and I know it may be annoying to others, and for that I am sorry, but I can recommend fitness as a major sexual stimulant. Sex is physical, so it sure helps when the mechanisms are all tuned up.

  4. Cerise

    Hey, somebody taught Michael burning sarcasm while I was gone. This is gonna be great.

    Dude, please. Much naughtier things have been said on this blog long before now. I blame Matty and so should you.

  5. Cerise

    By the way – since we’re already wildly off-subject – I missed you all. Generally when I’m going through a cocoon-y phase blogging’s the first thing that seems to get nixed from my can-do list. But I miss hearing your thoughts and hearing about your lives. Thanks as always for letting me come back around.

  6. michael lee

    unfortunately, the blog has a “no re-entry” policy, so you’ll have to pay the cover charge all over again. If it were up to me, I would let it slide, but a policy is a policy.

  7. Cerise

    OH-H-H, no. Man, you stamped my hand on the way out. YOU did. Come on…don’t you remember my face? WTH kind of bouncer ARE you??

  8. corey

    Ok, does it concern anyone else that there are USED and new versions of the Liberator Wedge available at a discounted rate on Amazon?

  9. Daniel Semsen

    Corey–I didn’t see new and used versions…in fact, there’s only ONE left in stock–which means between the time you posted and the time I’ve posted that everyone else has gone off and bought up all the Liberator Wedges…except one.

    God Bless America

  10. June

    Corey, I noted the same thing. Ewwwwwww.

    Welcome back Cerise!

    Matty, I’m at a loss as to what makes things/keeps things spicy and what makes marriage good overall. They blur together for me so, I dunno. I guess I’m a sucker for words and jewelry…so nice/tender/funny things that are said or written, accompanied by a little bling (and really, it can be little!) do it for me. Of course, at this juncture, ANY kind of outing without my lil’ darlings would do it for me as well. Perhaps you should give talks on how the parents of young ones in America can get babysitting wages lowered so we can actually have the occasional date night! And, if I hear one more person yammer on about how crucial it is to keep a weekly date night, I may implode. I dare say it’s a bit more crucial to live within one’s means, get the kids to bed on time and not stress everyone and their brother out by making sure you go have ice cream with your husband at 7pm on a Tuesday!

    The June is a bit sensitive about the “date night” issue.

    The June is going away now.

    (For the record, the June is quite happily married. 14 years in December. We’ve had at least 14 dates since we got married.)

  11. Matty

    June –

    Right there with you, girl…I just hope babysitters never unionize.

    When we first started the concept of our “date night”, we were living just outside of our means. Our first year, 93.7% of our dates were “stay at home” dates (more on that later).

    Not to take away from the Liberator Wedges and massage oils, but I’d love to add an additional question to this string:

    Who here at Addison maintains a regular (semi-regular?) night to spend time with their significant other, and what does that look like?

  12. Leoskeo

    Okay, now don’t get me wrong but I thought the liberator wedge was golf club until I looked it up on Amazon.

    I counsel a ton of couples getting married and trying to stay married and I tell them:

    You got to talk about it = It is your sex life. Build it yourself. Take ownership together and make it what you want for whatever season or time in your life fits best.

    You got to protect it = There are three (sounds like and old preacher) things that are un-friendly to healthy intimacy in a marriage. OUR CULTURE is not sex friendly. It is sexually charged but it is not the friend of healthy intimacy in a marriage. OUR PASTS are often unfriendly. Abuse, bad choices, rape, Poor or oppressive bible teaching,and a much longer list goes to shape our pasts. OUR EXPECTATIONS – It is not always perfect, sometimes things mis-fire, sometimes people feel unsatisfied, sometimes people just don’t wanna do that… Thats why Talk about it is such a big deal.

    You got to plan for it. = Spontaneity is awesome especially when it it planned. Set time a side so as not to miss opportunities. If it is tomorrow night then start getting ready by eliminating distractions (kids), have a gift, (bling or chocolate) in other words be intentional. The very best things in my life are the things I do on purpose.

    You got to own it = I am responsible for my own and to a degree my wifes fidelity. One way I steward this responsibility is to own my part of a healthy intimate life. That involves me being healthy and it also involves me being generous to my spouse

    You got to celebrate it = Say thank you. Say what you liked. Share your joy in being with this person in a way no one else is. Celebrate the gift.

    You got to keep learning = What was great before kids may not be great after kids. What was great at 20 something might not be a 40 something. Knowing the mechanics (preacher talk for fun stuff) of your wifes body is huge in building intimacy and is usually something that takes time to learn.

    You have to value it = This is an important part of a relationship. don’t devalue it with insults or crassness. Value it by working on it. By praying about it (some of you will put the “Oh God” joke right here, that okay cause I think thats funny) But seriously I pray for the wisdom to help my wife to feel honored physically, emotionally, personally and intimately.

    Sorry for the length of this post (did you notice how many double meanings are in these posts)

  13. June

    Matty, I meant to say (days ago) that I was NOT bashing you for encouraging folks to have date nights when I complained about hearing people “yammer on” about it! On the contrary, I’m sure we could benefit from hearing presentations such as yours…I just have issues. (Again, with the price of babysitters more than anything.)

    My husband just called to see if he can pick me up a Starbucks on his way home from taking the kiddo to school. Fire lit.

  14. Cerise

    Matty, every night’s date night here at the Deslauriers residence, since we don’t have kids. And after babysitting my 11-month-old nephew for 16 hours last Sunday, I don’t think we ever will. Oz is cute, sweet, good-natured and adaptive to change. I love him more than I ever thought I could love another human being. I do. And we had a great time. But when his parents got home (my brother and sister-in-law), Ramon and I dragged ourselves home, flopped on the couch, feebly nursed Coronas and vowed never to conceive.

    I know that doesn’t help your date night question much, but we have no need of one. I’m not trying to sound smug, I swear. So, what do the rest of you do? Besides you, June…

  15. Cerise

    Well, quite, June. I hadn’t thought of that. I feel much less guilty. And if my SIL says “it’s different when they’re your own” one more time… [shakes fist menacingly]

  16. Sharolyn

    Wow, Leoskeo! Who are you? I love it!! Preach on.

    I wrote a post, but the links aren’t working. How come they work sometimes, and not others?!

    My husband’s New Year’s Resolution was to woo me. It worked. I am wooed. :)

  17. leoskeo

    Sharolyn, thanks. Who am I? I am just me cause that’s the one my wife likes best. Working on year 19 together, never dated just became best friends then got engaged and married a few months later. Met as missionaries with Youth for Christ. I am a church planter, (2 so far) love to tell people God loves them and then volunteer to prove it. 2 kids, teens and they rock. Boy is like me and girl is like mom, go figure. My life’s mission is to love my God most, love my family better than anyone else can, brag about how great God is and see what happens as a result. Don’t know any of you but I chime in from time to time.

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