I got a call yesterday from the contractor for the Antelope Valley Symphony, asking if I would come play with them. They’re doing Stravinsky’s “Symphony of Psalms” this next Saturday, and they need a pianist.
Because when I think “Pianist who is should be playing 20th Century Art Music with a Symphony at the last minute”, I think Mike Lee! (This is only funny if you realize that I make my living on songs that max out at 4 chords).
I graciously declined, and gave them Joel Clifft’s number, which is who they should have called in the first place. As much as the 12-year-old kid in me wanted to live out the fantasy of sitting up in front with an orchestra, playing piano on some monster classical piece, the 31-year-old kid in me thought better of it.
It left me wondering two things. Who the heck has my name in their book with “Call 4 Stravinsky” scribbled underneath it? And, more to the point, what would they have done if I had actually said yes? Now that, my friends, would have been a ticket worth having.
You are wise for saying “no”. Once I said “yes”.
It was for an opera, and I was in shape at the time to play most operas. But, similar to your experience, this was an original 20th century piece. I received the music at the first rehearsal. My first measure consisted of many, many black dots, the first of which was the FOURTH highest E on the clarinet. Can you believe we didn’t warm up on any scales?
The conductor - who, by the way, is a genius, and works regularly with clarinetists from the San Francisco and Metropolitan Operas - gave the downbeat and nothing happened. He looked at me, bewildered and not amused. Apparently mine was a solo. I wanted to die. And give this up and coming composer a few lessons on writing for clarinet.
They still paid me, and thankfully invited me back. Thank God the next gig was “Carmen”.
Man, I had to bail out of a jazz gig recently for the same reason. She sent me the music beforehand, and it would’ve taken me way too long to learn to play well enough to be passable. Of course, she told me later that if I’d used one hand (which is how I play jazz generally) and shut my eyes I’d have been better off than the guy that played. Oh well. Not like it was the Met, but it’s a pretty decent HS vocal jazz program run by Kirby Shaw’s daughter… and most of the arrangements were Kirby’s. You would’ve torn that gig up, Mike. I would’ve stumbled through it feeling like a complete hack. Maybe I’ll suck it up and do it next year.
I got myself into trouble once at a high school choir concert - they called me to come accompany for the concert, and said “It’s this amount for the concert, and we can pay you 1/2 that for each rehearsal … how many rehearsal do you think you will need?” I said, “What kind of music are you doing?” She said, “It’s all broadway musicals.” “Cool,” I said, “I can probably just show up the day of the concert, run the songs through with you once during the rehearsal, and be fine.” Great!
Well, what she neglected to tell me was that they were all songs from Stephen Sondheim musicals. Whoops. I did ok, but I was sweating bullets the whole night.
[quote comment="84228"]Thank God the next gig was “Carmen”.[/quote]
Oh, sweet! I wonder if you and Bobby did that gig at the same time …
Oh wait. Different Carmen.
That’s CarmAn. One little vowel. A world of difference.
It’s good to know one’s limitations. And I, too, would like to know who recommended you. Maybe it was someone with “Call 4 Strayhorn” scribbled under your name, but they couldn’t read their own writing.
Wow, when you say CarmAn, are you referring to the “Witch’s Invitation” CarmAn? Did Bobby play with that Carman? For some reason, I want to know more.
Oh yes.
Bobby?
yeah, i’d love to field this one, but I hate to steal Bobby’s thunder.
He is, after all The Champion
Yes, that Carman. I can’t seem to escape it.
No, I did not ever play for Carman.
Yes, I did share a bus with him for a 3 month tour. He slept right above me but moved after a couple weeks (I’m pretty sure I snore).
No, the local guest choir mics were not live. But they didn’t know that.
Yes, we did watch “The Champion” on the bus on his birthday.
No, he wasn’t there. Thank goodness. Stifling our laughter would have been difficult, not to mention awkward.
Yes, he is as hairy as you think he is. Probably hairier.
No, he doesn’t have any connections with organized crime.
Yes, I think he thinks he does.
No, I never did catch his set in 3 months. The bus did have several hundred channels of satellite TV.
Yes, a former bandmate of mine and Chad’s was physically assualted by him in catering one evening.
“NO HOMO JOKES WITH ME” (backhand slap)
Yes, he probably had it coming. But still… in what world would that be OK, honestly?
I think that covers the Carman info. Next week, the story of how about 20 of us were unwillingly exposed to Randy Williams’ of Tait’s taint. Ahhh touring.
The real question is, “Where in the World is Carman now?”
No doubt a good call on the Stravinsky. My one experience performing his music involved an acapella choral piece “Friede auf Erden” (”Peace on Earth”) during my Pomona College Glee Club days (back when hippies roamed the earth), which contained the most non-intuitve vocal lines I have experienced. Actually the toughest vocal lines I’ve ever learned were in Gene Puerling’s arrangement of “The Christmas Song” for ABF’s Christmas program a couple of years ago. Mike, you were there playing cool vibe cocktail piano, but there was no smoking allowed.
By the way, it looks like Carman is alive and well at http://www.carman.org (the Carman World Outreach).
I don’t think there’s anywhere in the world where getting backhanded by Carman for making homosexual jokes is even remotely ok. It’s just… well… so wrong on so many levels that it could only happen in CCM.
BTW, Tait’s Taint is my new punk rock side project’s name.
You know, I was at his record-breaking concert at Texas Stadium some time in the 90’s (70,000 people or something like that). I’m not sure if it was outdoor or indoor, since Texas stadium has a hole in the roof so God can watch his favorite team play.
I would love to see Carman in “Carmen”.
OMG… I think Bizet just woke from the grave.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTsXDhVW5Kk
The good news is, I bet that royalty money is just rolling in!
What about an updated version of the song set to the Robert Burns poem — “Carman Through the Rye”??!
She’ll be Carman ’round the mountain when she comes…
I can feel it Carman in the air tonight, oh yeah.
Santa Claus is Carman to town.
Carman, Carman, Carman, Carman, Carman Chameleon –
You come and go, you come and go-o-o-oh!
I’m…Carman up, so you better git this party starte’ed.
Carman go with me to my father’s house. It’s a big big house.
And we have a winner.
[throws glitter in the air] Woo.
Carmanchanted evening?
Carman to my house, my house-a carman!
Hey, that was a great run!
How about a Carman limerick?
A pugilist singer named Carman…
Set foot on a path most alarmin’.
With a spine like a stick,
He said, “I’m no hick!”
and b*tchslapped an unlucky guitarman
Oh man. Puns and limericks on the same thread? You guys are my Champions.