Does anyone else do this with their kids?….Often when either of my children say something like “No, I don’t like that” or “No, I don’t want to” I simply say “Yes, you do.” Sometimes I follow it up with “So, do it” or “Eat it.” Sometimes I just leave it at “Yes, you do” and then give them The Look.
As you were saying:
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All the time I must admit.
I just talked with a buddy yesterday about how we just quickly say “no” when the kids ask us to do something while we’re busy. No thought. No reasoning. Just “no”. This is especially common because I work at home and the kids think that when I’m staring off into space or walking around the house talking to myself that I’m not actually working. They have no idea that I’m trying to come up with a cool name for a new product or trying to define the creative vision for a company’s marketing junk (a tech-term, of course).
He learned that the secret is to say, “If I had to answer right now, the answer would be ‘no’.” He said his kids usually give him some more time to ruminate. I actually tried it with Toby while I was typing this. It didn’t work. I’ve been typing this for 20 minutes…
“I’ll tell you in just a minute” doesn’t work either. Yesterday my six-year-old responded to that with “Just a minute means RIGHT NOW!”
Now that my oldest can tell time, I have him get back to me at a certain time, usually 5-10 minutes from whenever he asks his question. This gives me enough time to finish my phone call, my email, or my coffee.
This way I’m not snapping to a default “NO”. Also, setting a time establishes a trust with him because I’m not saying, “I’ll be there in a minute,” and then showing up 20 minutes later with my answer. It also allows him the freedom to ask me again, whereas me saying “In five minutes” only results in him asking “has it been five minutes yet?” every 72 seconds and me having to duct tape his mouth shut again.