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20 things I now know, that I didn’t know the first time around

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By michael lee ⋅ March 4, 2007 ⋅ Post a comment
  1. There’s nothing that comes out of a baby that won’t wash off your skin.
  2. Crying is normal. Very, very normal. It’s not always your job to fix it.
  3. At every baby shower, there was always someone who thought to give us diapers. I laughed and laughed at that person, thinking it was the lamest gift ever. Thank you, diaper lady. Bless your 50 year-old been-through-this-enough-times-to-know-what-I’m-doing soul.
  4. I know why the word “Peace” is so often found next to the word “Quiet”.
  5. Children are born scientists. They run their own experiments to see how the world operates. My job involves knowing which experiments are likely to maim her, and heading those off.
  6. There are different degrees of “Clean”.
  7. Some days, you can literally see their brain grow. One minute, they don’t understand the concept of mirrors. An hour later, they have lined up all their stuffed animals in front of the full length mirror, and are holding a fashion show with mommy’s jewelry.
  8. Wednesday morning reading group at the Burbank Public Library is the last bastion of sexual discrimination in parenting roles. I’ve been a regular now for 2 months, and every mom there still keeps an eye on Sophia to see if she is actually an abducted child being read to against her will by a crazy man. I try to ease the tension by making small talk with her in a loud voice. “Ha ha! Look Sophia! Isn’t it fun to be reading in public with your daddy, which is me, who is fully employed and not at all creepy! Ha ha!” It doesn’t seem to be working.
  9. She doesn’t need my help as much as I think she does. She needs to fail at things, and that’s part of my job too.
  10. Babywise. It works.
  11. Parenting is a team sport.
  12. The 14-year-old unskilled extortionist next door gets $8 an hour for watching TV and eating my microwaved corn-dogs while our daughter sleeps. That, my friends, is a sweet gig.
  13. Your relationship with your own parents enters a new and strange phase when they become grandparents. You realize that they were making it all up as they went along, and they realize that you now know that, and everybody hopes that you can keep up the charade long enough to get the next crop of kids out the door.
  14. Sometime in your parenting career, you will find a half-eaten, slobbery animal cracker in your hand without having any idea how it got there. You will shrug, and finish the animal cracker. See #6.
  15. Being a dad has brought out the best and worst parts of my character.
  16. Giving children choices seems to be all the rage these days. Here’s the deal - kids don’t have any clue what to do with choices. They are confused and frustrated when you give them 6 options for dinner. You’re the parent. You decide.
  17. If a dad dresses his daughter, and takes her out into public, and somebody comments on how cute she looks, dad will dress her in those exact same clothes from then on. We fear fashion failure.
  18. Don’t join a battle of wills that you are not prepared to win.
  19. If someone comes to your house, and sits on your couch, and reaches into the cushions and pulls out a half-eaten apricot mashed into a Lego, if that person asks, “How did this get here?”, that person is not a parent.
  20. I don’t own her joy. Children do wonderful things. They sing songs in public. They wave and smile at street people, who wave and smile back. They play with anyone who brought a toy to the park, without caring about their country of origin, or what language they speak. They play the blinking game with crotchety old men on benches in the mall, and get them to stick their tongues out. None of this belongs to me. Children are a gift from God, given to the whole world, under the care of parents for a few brief moments before they burst gloriously into their own light.

All of this is good stuff to know, since we’re now gearing up for round 2!

big sister now

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Discussion

28 comments for “20 things I now know, that I didn’t know the first time around”

  1. 1. This is a wonderful set of observations.

    2. Sophia is blessed to have you as parents. Sophia’s sibling will be likewise blessed.

    3. Speaking of which, mega-congratulations on number 2!

    4. I’m glad Babywise worked for you. Actually, your parenting skills worked. “Babywise” has some, er, baggage associated with it. Actually this is a big topic. Maybe I’ll write my first official Addison Road blog on this subject…

  2. Whoo-hoo! Another lil’ Lee is on the way! Congrats Michael and Gretchen! Clearly, you’re quite well-adjusted.

    There’s an entire pantry between our couch cushions I’m sure and perhaps small ecosystmes elsewhere in the house. I don’t even care anymore…makes ya wanna visit, eh?!

    Kiddos rock.

  3. WOW! How exciting! When???

    Paul, you should write the post. We have a friend whose mission it is to actively prevent any message from Gary Ezzo (including practically stalking him). I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

    Sophia, the big sister! Hooray! :)

  4. Hey, I’ve got a couple kids that I might sell cheap for all you people all “into kids”.

    Ok, kidding. Our boys make us laugh every single day. To hear Nate (2) laugh at Zane (6) who happened to be wearing his pajama pants on his head, and not much else, was pretty good.

  5. Lemme jump in for just a second to suggest two things

    1) Paul, you should write that post. I’d be very interested to read it.

    2) Let’s shift the impending babywise flamewar over to that post, once it’s finished. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts, but I don’t want that to take over this post. Know what I mean?

  6. I agree… This post should remain joyful and non-controversial.

  7. Yes, I’d love to see a post on babywise as well.

    Congrats on your newest addition!!!

  8. Michael, I keep thinking about your post and chuckling…I’m afraid I’ve looked at the lone Dad at library story time and thought: “Hmmm…wonder what’s up with that?!” (I’m such an idiot!)And, I’ve eaten soooo much slobbery food it’s not even funny and we pay as much as $10 an hour for young people to eat our food and watch our tv while our children sleep.

    Again, so happy for you and G…having BOTH your kids interact is sweeter and funnier (and more exhausting)than anything. And, daily gives one pause for insights into the notion that we are children of God.

  9. wow man. Nailed it.
    ON.
    THE.
    HEAD.
    especially #15…been there. Still there, all the time…

    and congrats! Two is only ten times as hard as one!! Yipee!!!
    HAHAHAHAHAAaaaaaa….

  10. Laughed out loud at number 14.

    Last night Rona and I were hanging out with parents of a 10 month old. “Sam” (I’ve changed the name to protect the baby’s real identity from some techno-pervert who is reportedly stalking kids on Wednesdays at the Burbank Library) walked up to her mom and handed her a wheat thin that was apparently to rich for her ten-month-old palate.

    The mom looked at me, confused, and asked, “What am I supposed to do with this?”

    “You eat it,” I said, matter-of-factly.

    She did.

    Training parents one wheat thin at a time,

    Matty.

  11. Oh…and I always tell parents…

    “Two kids is 1.5 times as expensive but 3 times the work.”

    Unless you have a boy this time. Then it’s still pretty much twice as expensive.

    Congrats!!!!!

  12. Awesome. I love this list :)

    #21 Daddy can make up a song about anything. Ex: “Daddy is Awesome!”, “Where in the World Can I Find a Little Girl Who Would Like to Take a Bath”, etc. It’s good stuff.

    We will take all the advice of our many friends with 2 kids. We’re excited, though we know it’s a big road ahead of us.

  13. Warm congratulations to both of you. I didn’t get to meet Her Majesty, but I did meet you and Gretchen and you couldn’t be anything but wonderful parents in my mind. 3 cheers for you ‘into kids’ people.

    Hip hip, hooray!
    Hip hip, hooray.
    Hip…

    OK, that’ll do it.

    Cerise

  14. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Congratulations to all three of you! :) I am teary and laughing at the same time at this list.
    Bobby has had the same thing happen to him. He took the kids out for donuts one weekend while I was away and he said he could tell people thought he was a divorced dad with his weekend kids.
    I LOVE the picture of Sophia with the u/s pic. Very cute!

  15. I’m doing a little dance of joy in my ergonomically correct chair.

  16. Mike, I apologize for the Babywise thing. I responded without thinking and agree, this is clearly a happy-only zone. I just read these again and they are hilarious.

  17. Yay! Congrats to you both! Your tax returns are gonna be SO SWEET now!

    And the baby thing, that’s cool, too.

  18. Thanks for a great reminder of how cool kids are. (Sometimes, when mine are going at each other, I tend to forget)

    As a dad who worked nights so I could care for my daughter during the day, I was a frequent victim of ” profiling”. It got to the point where I would get the long, hard look from someone and just pick up my kid and start running. Then I’d feel bad for a few minutes, but it was worth it to see what the reaction would be. People look REALLY funny with their mouths hanging wide open.

    Congratulations on the next arrival.

  19. if anyone is interested, here are the lyrics to “Daddy is awesome”. I wrote it so that I could start the long process of brainwashing my daughter, in hopes that some of it would stick during the teenage years.

    (to the tune of Crystal Lewis’ “People Get Ready” sped way up)


    Daddy is awesome,
    Daddy is awesome,
    This is the Daddy song

    Daddy is awesome,
    Daddy is awesome,
    Everybody sing along!

    Now, I don’t want to name any names, but when we get to the end and repeat the song, sometimes not everybody sings along. (ahem)

  20. your daddy, which is me, who is fully employed and not at all creepy!

    You sure? Just kidding… love the three of ya lots… I have no idea what Gretchen is going to do with a third child (mike, sophia, and new one)

    Congrats…

  21. [quote comment="56868"]
    Now, I don’t want to name any names, but when we get to the end and repeat the song, sometimes not everybody sings along. (ahem)[/quote]

    I plead the 5th

  22. “Wow Mike, great song. What song did you write about Sophia’s rockin’ mommy?” Hey, great question!

  23. I think I remember hearing this one… I believe it goes:

    Did someone make a stinky?
    A stinky stinky diapee?
    Did someone make a stinky?
    I think it’s Mommy’s turn.

  24. Congrats on round 2. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full.

    your #8 brought back a lot of frustrating uncomfortable memories. Actually, these occurrences don’t stop. Can I plug my own blog about a similar, older daughter circumstance?

  25. Making up songs on the spot is indeed an important parenting skill. In our house this nearly always involves altering lyrics to existing songs. My current (and rather dumb) favorite is a takeoff on “Rockin’ Robin.” Since Zion is generally known as “Baby Z” or “Mr. Z,” I have started singing,

    “Zeedleedeedleedee,
    Zeedleedeedleedee,”(repeat twice, then)
    “Zee (ump) Zee (ump ump) Zeedleedee!”

    He loves it.

    You can’t do this with adolescents, by the way. Instead, you make up songs about your animals, e.g.,

    (to the tune of “Camptown Races”)
    I’ve got a dog named Buster Brown, doo-dah, doo-dah,
    He’s the meanest dog in town, oh doo-day day!
    And he barks all night, and he barks all day,
    Etc.

    Actually, your adolescents won’t want to hear this song either, especially when their friends are present.

  26. ok, in the songs dept., my kids were always huge fans of meter and rhyme. The ultimate Uncle Shelby fan club (In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcakes, you probably knew her well…)(just kidding).
    But they were masters of rhythm and rhyme at an early age. I made up a song in the car one day, at their request: I once had three little children, two boys and one little girl, so I spanked them all on their bottoms, and sent them to bed without supper. They howled. No matter how many times I sang that song, they’d laugh themselves silly. Surprise! no rhyme!!!
    ya never know.

  27. Nice. Funny library story!!

  28. [quote post="1256"]Your relationship with your own parents enters a new and strange phase when they become grandparents. You realize that they were making it all up as they went along, and they realize that you now know that, and everybody hopes that you can keep up the charade long enough to get the next crop of kids out the door. [/quote]

    Oh, ain’t it the truth, baby! We have been officially BUSTED!!!

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