Ohmysweetlovinggod, do I hate cable companies. Aside from the astronomical rates and functionally-retarded “service technicians”, they don’t exactly schedule things quickly. It’s taken over 2 weeks to get me some cable TV and high-speed internet up in this biznatch. (This biznatch, of course, refers to Sara and I’s new quaint lil’ digs in Burbank. You’ll all be invited to a Housewarming BBQ soon…)

Today was the day the tubes and internets were connected. Finally, I can Tivo re-runs of Cops whilst reading Gizmodo. I can also peruse the web for these fine gems….let’s call it a Two-Fer Christ:

1. My Beloved’s Garden.  It’s a Christian-Friendly online sex toy shop. “Providing a safe, non-pornographic place to shop, For all your Christian Sex and Romance needs, While keeping Christ at the center of your marriage.” Now, I’m not married, so I can’t really vouch for this - but when you’re trying to choose between the “Anal Invader” or the  “Hot Pink Twister” brand of vibrators, I highly doubt that Christ is in the “center”. Personally, I hope he’s nowhere near the damn thing - it looks like it could put out an eye.

2. The Hymn Book iPod Case.  No longer shall thine podcast be sheathed in devilish silicone, or sinful plastic. Delivered straight from the heavens, this iPod case will most likely guarantee that your digital collection of REO Speedwagon and R.A.T.T. will pass through the pearly gates when your iPod takes a dump. The first person to send me a photo of themselves listening to their iPod in church while it’s shrouded in this case will get to pilfer my own personal REO Speedwagon and R.A.T.T. collection.