no, we’re not pregnant again. Just loving the tax write off on our first one.

Dude, don’t tell me you bought gold or an epic from some WoW farmer? Please…no… (What was it?!) :P

Oh, man. Ramon and I keep meaning to get one of those (kids)…

I’m telling you, it’s totally the hook-up, as the cool kids say.

Right! Exactly! We want one for just those sorts of reasons. Well, not the WoW thing…

Top five reasons to have a kid:

1. Mas Tequila, senora!
2. Lambada (the forbidden dance)
3. **Censored**
4. Yeah right there.
5. Oops.

You should know that, this exact week of last year, Erica and I outsourced our baby-making to Mexico, hence the inspiration for this PG-13 post.

Here’s MY personal list of 10 Worst Reasons:

10. All your friends have [at least] one, and you’re a sucker for peer pressure.

9. You don’t know what to do with your life, so you may as well start easy.

8. Your in-laws aren’t subtle.

7. Graduate school is too expensive.

6. Your biological clock has legally changed its name to Atomic and moved to Boulder.

5. The office/project studio/guest bedroom/self-storage isn’t crowded enough.

4. There’s plenty of room for an infant seat under your desk at work.

3. You can easily shift from 5-6 uninterrupted hours of writing time to 10-15 minutes without an impact on output or quality.

2. Most kids have completely different temperments from their parents, so you probably won’t get stuck with one who’s willful, moody, inflexible, selfish or a heavy drinker.

1. Someone calling you “Mommy” will feel completely natural, even though you get hysterical when someone calls you “Ma’am.”

BTW, #2 is about ME, not my sweet, hot, even-tempered and perfect husband.

11. There just isn’t enough poop in your life.

#12 Just happened. My daughter had a playdate this morning. Both girls were very excited to see the other. Then, most of the time consisted of one girl having a certain doll, and the other girl screaming. Us two moms rotated who had the doll and who was screaming, something we call “sharing”. At the end of the playdate, they hugged, kissed, and said “I love you”. Go figure. Now she is napping early. Screaming (sharing?) sure is exhausting.

Me again.

By the way, if anyone out there has a thirst for deeper knowledge of Pleasanton history and wants it in the form of a musical production, I will be directing two showings of “Pleasanton Is Our Community” tonight, 6:00 and 7:30. Yes, two shows. We are that popular.

If I’m supposed to relate this to Worst Reasons to Have a Kid, I’ll metion that our neighbors had four boys in four years. Tonight is their second viewing of this musical. I’m sure they’re anticipating the 2007 and 2008 editions. Maybe we should add some plot twists, just to keep them listening. Or, have the third graders mention that the historic Pleasanton Hotel used to be a brothel.

You’re living out “Waiting for Guffman”! That rocks.

Seriously, dude. Is there someone from Broadway or Hollywood coming to troll for new talent?

Mike, that’s what I’ve been told… and I’ve never seen it.

I would like to point out a basic fact here.

For every year after the age of 40 that you have a child under 18 at home, you lose 5 IQ points for each child in that status.

I figured it out the other day…. that means I’ve lost 160 so far, and counting.

Given that my starting IQ was 300, I’m down to 140… and things aren’t looking good.

So, the moral: don’t wait too long, folks.

You don’t want to be a drooling idiot by the age of 60……

Here are more basic facts (sorry, harmonicminer!)

1) If you actually had a 300 IQ, you’d be working in some underground bunker/lab developing new WMD for the USA. And, no, you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.

2) If you had a 140 IQ, you would have booted the slacking offspring out by now.

3) I am only 49, and most of the time I am a drooling idiot. Especially when I see a young hottie (over 18 only thank you) or some shiny, sparkly car, motorcycle or electronic gadget.

4) I drool with increased fervor when the items in #3 are being showcased by the aforementioned young hottie in a tight halter top at a trade show or consumer expo.

Well… I figured I had to start with 300 in order not to wind up in negative numbers… which some would say has already happened.

Leave me some useful illusions, OK?

Besides…. I’m only 54 at the moment…. age or IQ, you figure out which.

But while being widely considered idiotic, I do not drool.

What…never? Everyone drools. I drool. I’m usually unconscious, though, so I’m not to blame.

By the way – speaking of having children – congratulate me. My little brother is going to be a dad. He and my sister-in-law are due in early December. My little Peanut is officially 4mm tall today.

Holy smokes, Cerise! Congratulations!!

Yay.

Yay-yay-yay.

A special welcome to the Woot nation. Woot linked to this post this morning, and has so far sent about 2,500 hits our way.

Wow!

Welcome Wooters!

So how do you all feel about emerging church / abortion / church membership / culture / architecture / music / movies / macs / fundamentalism / etc?

20 words or less please.

Woot….I think we’ll name our next kid that.

This just in (literally)…as I stepped away from my laptop, my five-year-old son turned to me and said “Hey Mom, when I grow up, I decided I don’t actually want a job…I just want to stay home. Ok?”

So another good reason to have a kid: you want to care for (and fund) another person’s life for….FOREVER.

I told him, “Ok.”

Dude! I want to not have a job and just live at June and Stick’s house too … is that cool with you guys?

Ooooh ooohh me too!

Hey, we’re in the trees… can anyone say “commune”?

Mike and Chad, you’re welcome as long as all your gear goes in my studio.

That sounds dirty.

Although in this regard, I may be the sluttiest of us all.

Well, with all the rain, it’s pretty muddy around…

Oh man. This is getting like real time… and worse by the second.

Hmm..so is

“She didn’t want an abortion” A worst reason to have a kid?

Maybe the best? And maybe… the only for some.

Oh, brother. Here we go again.

please don’t feed the lions.

Is it OK to feed the bears?

Of course, lions eat Christians… on the other hand, bears eat fish (well, they do…sometimes. Let me stretch the metaphor here).

I wll not be sucked in. I will not be sucked in. I will not be…

Sigh…. another winning movie script idea down the drain…

Oops… wrong thread.

“Feed the lions”? Please, god, let this not have anything to do with “baiting the bear” or your child Michael will die before you can say “rose from the dead on the third day.”

Well… I was making a very weak connection between fish and Christians, but lions don’t eat fish, and anyway, I’ve always heard “don’t feed the bears”, not so much “don’t feed the lions”, so I was working around to the notion that maybe bears are lapsed catholics who’ve taken to eating Christians on Friday… but see, if i actually go there, this comment belongs on the religious map thread…. since it could explain the relative rarity of catholics in certain bear infested areas….

Upon re-reading, I fear that this may sound like I’ve been doing personal research on a certain movie plot I recently proposed… I think I’ll go open some windows and turn on the fan.

And Aly, dear, it was very kind of you to call me a FREAK on the other thread. I feel so loved.

Phil, you’ve already been promoted to Full Professor. You would basically have to kill a dozen people with a bassoon reed to get fired. If ever you were going to admit to being a raging pot-head, now would be the time.

Nah, I’m not a mean drunk.

Ask anybody.

Phil, you ARE loved. I only call my dearest friends freaks.

Oh, I know… I wasn’t being sarcastic… by now I’ve figured out that you only insult the ones you love.

Which, as far as I can see, may mean you love nearly everyone…

sigh

Reason #11: You can’t show love and affection without insult and abuse.

Heck, that’s reasons 12 and 13, too.

Letting someone know you actually love them gives them power over you. So it’s best to hide it whenever possible.

When I give something expensive to my son to carry (age 13), I usually say, “Careful… that thing’s worth more than you are.” He just smiles. I’m not sure he believes me.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. That’s what makes it fun instead of scary.