Phreaky Phriday: Christian Idol
So, the Lord has given you a beautiful gifting of the music, and you’re wondering how best to exploit it for crass commercial gain?
Audition for Gifted!! It’s like American Idol, only with more suck!!
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[...] Michael Lee of Addison Road says, “It’s like American Idol, only with more suck!” Indeed. [...]
Hooray!
I was just thinking, dear, sweet Jesus, how can I engage in wanton acts of pious self-promotion today?
An answer to prayer!
I just broke out into hives.
Oh my.
Course, I should talk. When I was a kid in the Assembly of God church, we had this thing called Teen Talent. Basically, you’d start local and work your way up if you “won”. I got up to the state finals one year as a 13 year old. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the nationals were on TBN. Did I mention that I was playing the Dino version of “Rise Again”? Remeber Dino? Think Liberace in church.
HA! He’s still around, and guess what?! ON TBN! WAH HA HA HA!
http://www.dinoplayspiano.com/biography.html
Stick, I am loathing to admit that I too was part of the “Fine Arts” competition. I think we won the national competition our third year and took 2nd the first two years. The post-competition career benefits have been amazing!
oh man, you guys are such nerds.
Dang Ash! You’re a Superstar!
We fortunately, left the AofG for much greener and less, shall we say, charismatic. pastures before I got old enough and good enough to make it to nationals… though now that I’m thinking about it, I was past state and at regionals (Midwest area) before I took 2nd or 3rd or something. I do remember getting a rather hefty scholarship to some AofG college for winning state… I think it was $100.
Dudes, the Free Methodist church had those competitions, too! I got 3rd singing to Wayne’s “Friend of a Wounded Heart” soundtrack. Lost to some bitch who covered “Via Dolorosa”. Good times.
Cerise
Does this mean I should cancel Toil Nor Spin’s preregistration?
Depends… does it say who the celebrity judges are?
Larry Norman, Dino Elefante, and Reggie Ham.
LOL
“There’s no time to change your mind, I’m the judge and you’ve been left behind!”
You can’t beat “Via Dolorosa”. I had a little of the same “X” factor going with “Rise Again”.
Man – shoulda gone with the old school. Wayne Watson?? Pheh…
And now for a small world moment…
The company that is currently paying all of my bills (and then some — Thank You God) is the company behind “Gifted”.
I am not working on the show, but I’ve seen the first cut of the auditions and, while the production quality is low (at least in the early stages and, of course, lacking the millions of dollars in TV cash and corporate sponsorhips), they’re are several VERY talented young people, a few of whom I believe you’ll (that is, all you die-hard CCM fans out there) be hearing more about in the near future.
Unfortunately, none of the former members of Toil Nor Spin are eligible — they’re all way past the age limit.
TNS — Much love…Your geriatric freind Matty
I am very pleased to say that I was fortunate enough to be a finalist in the Gifted auditions. American Idol wishes they handled contestants with such class. There is no comparison. You may be surprised to hear that some of us are heavily anointed with the powerful presence of the Holy Spirit as we sing to minister, and to break the back of the enemy; Satan. And just like the prophets, teachers and preachers in the Bible I utilize that Gift from God to snatch lost souls out of darkness; as I was once snatched. Music is the most powerful source on the planet. Why shouldn’t we utilize it to spread the good news of such a wonderful savior as Jesus Christ? So if that sucks, call me sucker #1. ‘Because I am not ashamed of the God I serve!
It’s a shame that in order for you to fill spiritually empowered or more important you have to tear down another person’s ministry. It’s sad to think that Christains stoop to such a low levels. What must God think of us behaving in such a low manner?
Hi, Antoinette. Welcome to Addison Rd. Tell us a little about yourself.
Antoinette,
I’ve left a few rebukes on blogs in my day, so allow me to welcome you to our little haven of poor behavior.
I’m going to take a flying leap and guess that you found this blog while searching the internet for content about Gifted. I am going to assume that you haven’t read a lot of the other posts on the blog.
So… I have a two part reaction for you.
1. I am sorry if you were offended… and I don’t really blame you. What you don’t know is that most of us have either worked in, near, or have really good friends within the CCM machine. A lot of us grew up on CCM, and really loved it. We found part of our identity from being part of a sort of secret subculture, with our own songs and heroes. So… like lovers scorned… we’re a little cynical sometimes. I might challenge you to read a bit more around here and realize that no one is actually interested in tearing other people down… sometimes we’re just a little too mean and a little too funny for our own goods.
2. You use some strong phrases in your posts. I would like to know how, specifically, you’re going to “break Satan’s back” by promoting yourself in a televised competition. You may not believe me, but I am not asking you this to try and make you look like a fool, but to challenge you. I’ve sung a few gigs, man, and I have the vocal chops to hang with just about anyone. Don’t mistake me for a bitter wannabe musician pissed off at people who are doing music for a living. I have made every dollar of income in the last six years from music, and it feeds my kids and pays the mortgage. I am a professional musician, in every definition of the word. I am also a minister of music, and I am pretty good at it.
But breaking Satan’s back? Wow. I don’t really know about that. I think I get a little crack at Satan’s back when I spend time with my wife and parent my kids. I think I get in a little bodyblow here and there when I take my HS kids out to sing at a shelter, or a rehab clinic. I think I give him a charleyhorse when I get my worship team fired up and focused on God and playing really really schweet. Breaking his back? That was Christ’s gig.
I just want to challenge you to get your perspective right. Your passion is admirable, but let me tell you that passion and big dreams can lead you down a dark road, when not grounded in reality. The primary concern of the executives at major CCM labels is selling records. Who can blame them? They have bills to pay and mouths to feed and corporate bosses to please. Your personal ministry will not be a primary concern. Your personal satisfaction with ministry will be allowed only when your advance has been recouped.
Ministy in music… real ministry… may not be at all what you think. I know that the young men and women who participated in the Gifted competition all have the purest intentions, as I believe you do, as well. I want you to realize that the people here who had a little sport with the “Gifted” program are people who have put their money where their mouths are when it comes to ministry. We’re out here doing it, friend.
Well said, Chad. Well, I’m not putting my money where my mouth is regarding much of anything, but I really got into it anyway.
And you’re the King.
C
Besides… we’re not singling anybody out. We think American Idol sucks too. But that doesn’t stop us from watching our friend Mandisa tear it up.
Yeah, Mandisa is rippin’. I gotta give little Paris some props too… she can sorta sing.
Disclaimer: My 16 and 12 year old neices are living with us right now and insist that we watch AI everytime it’s on. Oh wait, they weren’t home tonight… well, I had to make sure the VCR was still working, ’cause they’re gonna wanna see it tomorrow for sure.
We unabashedly love American Idol. Sue us.
Someone here has sold their soul to the devil!
Is he gonna own up to it, or do we have to out him!?!?!?
It’s true. I admit it.
I’ll begin working on the graphics package for “Gifted” some time today. I should start cutting the actual show together next week.
Much love,
Matty
ImAMediaWhore.com
Can you edit it to make sure Antionette wins? I feel like it’s the least we could do. Also… should you be concerned that one of the producers might read this?!?!?! :)
Wow, this is awkward. I’m going to slowly back away from the blog.
Everyone sing!
“It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears…”
Oh yeah… you know the chorus.
Why is it wrong to get into the competition? I don’t understand….
Amber,
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with the competition, as long as everyone can get their heads in the right space.
You have to understand that many of us who hang out here have spent time in or around the CCM biz, and are a little suspect of anyone who isn’t a little suspicious of it. I know that there are thousands of people out there making music for Christians who have their hearts in the right place, and have turned their lives over to Christ, and want to use their gifts for His glory.
But… and I am repeating some of my response to Antoinette here…
The CCM biz is a Biz with a capital B. Anyone who believes otherwise is, unfortunately, in for a rude and often spirit-crippling awakening. I have a good friend who produced some seminal CCM records (Keith Green, Scott Wesley Brown, Phil Keaggy, etc) and my favorite quote of his is that when ministry happens, it’s in spite of CCM, not because of it. It takes an artist of supreme maturity to deal with the struggle between ministry and commerce. He does kids music now… won’t go near Nashville. I don’t hear the Stickman talking about heading back east either, perhaps he’d like to weigh in.
This is all aside from the widely held opinion that 95% of CCM is music that appeals to the Lowest Common Denominator; musically, lyrically, and spiritually. I know I speak for a lot of the regulars here when I wish that there were a blazing hot, culturally relavant Christian music scene out there.
So… we’re cynical about the machine, not the individual. I hope that makes sense. I know we must appear to be calloused jerks, but we’re really not. I grew up on CCM. I was a true believer.
“Once a true believer. Once there was a fire in your soul. You were the epitome of blessed faith astir; a thirst for holiness, and hunger for the word.”
Let it be known that I pulled that from my HEAD. Not a MWS lyrics website. See? I was totally there long ago.
Wow. Wow wow wow.
We should have our own competition, but instead of singing, it’s how many CCM lyrics you can recite from memory. Fear Ash. Fear him.
In the meantime, all I want to know is:
Who will be the one to answer to his call?
Will you stand when those around you fall?
Who will take His light into a darkened world?
Tell me, will you be the one?
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
I’m not sure which one that was, but I’m pretty sure it was the verse, then the chorus went something like…
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
The bridge took a real left turn if I recall, but I don’t remember it well enough to quote the lyrics. All I know is that it spoke to me and helped me through some real tough times when I was younger.
Ok, never mind.
We’re jerks.
:)
Corey, laughing so hard that I can’t get a breath. Damn you for ending my life so soon, so young…
“So many things I wish you’d say, so much I would change. But I won’t let these wishes go. Put them all aside – if there was one thing I could know for sure. Tell me that when this life is over, I will see you there. On the other side of Heaven’s door. This means so much more to me, this is my wish for youuuuuu.”
by the way, Ill take my Jaded Christian hat off long enough to say thanks to Chad. You really handle these questions with style and grace. I contrast your responses against my own which are usually much more snarly and spitty and much less gracious. It’s insightful to read your responses. Having said that, I’d be interested in reading your first book, “Behind The Music: CCM”.
And now back to our regular inciteful programming
My lawyer has asked me to post the following statement:
“[Matty] will be serving with the “Gifted” team only as a video editor. He will have no part in deciding the actual content, song choices, wardrobe, or any other important facet of “Gifted”. He is also aware that, should he even think of attempting to skew the results in any way (not that he could, or would even want to — he’s a fairly honest guy, except when playing poker. He cheats like a madman. But I digress…) he will be sued, fined, and excommunicated.
[Matty] has worked with the producers of “Gifted” before, and thinks that they are handsome, intelligent, and witty…just for the record.”
“J’teme, tao amo, letibia, Le bleu, aniohevet aha, I love you
The sounds are all as different, as the lands from which they came
And though our words are all unique,
Our hearts are still the same.
(everyone now)
Love in any language, straight from the heart,
Pulls us all together, never apart.
And once we learn to speak it, all the world will hear
Love in any language, fluently spoken here.”
Yeah, not so sure about the spellings of that first line, just phonetically remembering. Wait, did this game end? I just started playing. bummer.
Wow. Takin’ it back to the old school. Well done. I’ll go again… and I don’t think I can remember these in order, but they’re worth repeating anyways…
So you wanna go back to Egypt?
Where it’s safe and secure…
Are you sorry you bought the one way ticket
When you thought you were sure…
Eating leaves and onions by the Nile
Ooooh what breath, but dining out in style.
Oh, my life on the skids
Whiile building the pyramids.
We’re having so much trouble even now…
Why’d he get so mad about that c- c- c- cow?
Moses seems rather idle
He just sits around and writes the Bible…
And all together now… say it with me.
Manna bagels?
Manna-coti?
Ba-manna-bread!
I’m leaving out a ton… but Keith was prolific…
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
F#m (hold)
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
E E/D# C#m A2
Dude…
You did that from memory?!?!!?
Wow. Have you considered doing music professionally?
Mike, I’m not fit to carry your sandals. very well done indeed.
On the Keith Green train….
You know it ain’t no use in bangin’ your head up against the cold stone wall
‘Cause nobody’s perfect, ‘cept for the Lord, and even the best bound to fall
Remember, He is divine, and you are di-branch
He’s gonna get you through it if you give Him the chance
The Lord said that He’ll Take Care of the Rest
He’s gonna do it
He’ll Take Care of the Rest
He’ll get you throught it
He’ll Take Care of the Rest
Yes, yes, yes
He’ll Take Care of the, He’ll take Care of the Rest
I could probably come up the verses about Moses and Noah, but it would require a little more thinking…
actually, all of this brought back a little psuedonightmare for me. I wasn’t raised in a home of believers, and my brother and I just ended up in parochial schools because he got into some major trouble at the big public high school. Anyway, I remember one of my first chapels at this little, rural Lutheran school where they played Petra’s “This Means War” and then went on to talk about our choices and the ensuing lake of fire, etc etc. I remember thinking that my mom had sent me to a modern day Auschwitz or something. Those nutty Lutherans.
good times…
Is/Was Petra considered CCM? Can I still be part of the conversation?
Oh man… Petra was totally banned in my house as a kid… WAAAY too “evil sounding”. Those electric guitars are of the Devil.
Petra rocks you azzes.
THIS MEANS WAR (war! war! war!)!!
And the battle’s still raging, WAR (war! war! war!)!!
And thought both sides are waging the victor is sure, and the victory secure.
But til Judgement we all must endure…THIS MEANS WAR!!
The Cerise Story, the Sandi and Petra years.
Thank you all. You just succeeded in putting “Grave Robber” in my head. The last time this happened, I did not escape for 9 days.
Where is the sting, tell me where is the bite
when the Grave Robber comes like a theif in the night?
Where is the victory, where is the prize
when the Grave Robber comes and
death finally diiiiiiiiiiiieeeesss!
Ooh, good dipthong!
Guys,
Don’t let your hearts be hardened,
Don’t let your love grow cold
May it always stay so childlike
May it never grow too old
Don’t let your hearts be hardened
May you always know the cure
Keep it broken
Before Jesus
Keep it thankful, meek, and pure.
THIS MEANS WAR MOT*** *****R!!!!!
I love CCM.
Love knows when to let go.
Love knows when to say “no”
Love grows in the light of the sun,
and love shows the world that the Son of Love has cooooome.
…and…
Get on your knees and FIGHT like a man!
You’ll pull out strongholds if you just believe you can.
Your enemy will tuck his tail and fleeeee!
Get on your knees and FIGHT like a man!
chad,
are you paraphrasing?.. or is that the real end of the CCM tune to which you’re referring? Seems that an outburst like that would’ve raised a few eyebrows of the pious listeners of KSBJ back home. :)
reminds me of the natalie portman snl short that’s floating around. Just google “natalie portman raps”.
/hijack
No… I was highlighting the irony of the fact that the tune I quoted was, indeed, off of an album called “This Means War.” To be fair to Petra, they were declaring war on the Devil… not.. you know… Swedes or something. I just have grown so weary of Christians using battle metaphors and not being sure about exactly with whom we’re battling, as described in EPH 6:11-13.
I remember last summer I was with my youth choir from church, and we were at a church on our mini tour. We were guests at the church of a pastor with whom I was a friend, and I was attempting to be on my best behaviour. The sermon that morning, after we sang our 25-30 min set, was a videotaped message entitled “Christians coming out of the closet: Defending your faith.” I knew we were in trouble when the video started and sitting behind the speaker was Falwell the Hut, jowels hanging down and swishing with every approving “Amen!” The core of the message was that the gays had pushed the Christians into the closet and they were mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.
After the message, the worship band led us through a hymn whose name escapes me at the moment, but is one of those blood drenched war hymns that we all know and love. I was so disguested that I leaned over the the student next to me and whispered, “This comes from the passage of scripture where Jesus leads the violent, bloody revolt on Rome.” He didn’t get it.
I nearly died when, a few minutes later, the pastor challenged his congregation to “Confront the culture with the gospel, just like these kids do.” I wanted to scream. I wanted to grab the mic from him and tell him that we try this crazy thing called “serving.” We serve the gospel up sweet, with a pinch of humility and a dash of good cheer. I wanted to tell that congregation that we only came to churches once in the week on sunday morning, and that the addicts and homeless that we sang to the rest of the time didn’t need to be confronted with anything other than a hot meal and some love.
OT Rant over.
BTW, the Natalie Portman video is absolutely hilarious.
Good writing, Chad.
You know, she’s kind of good…
“Blue Like Jazz” and “Wild At Heart” both touch on the irony of using militant imagery to spread the Prince of Peace’s message of love. It’s kinda funny now that I mention it.
And I can identify with your example, Chad. I guess what they lack in social perception, they make up in zeal. At a point, it all becomes about storming the gates of hell with a water gun.
…all of this, from Gifted?
Bless me Lord, Bless me Lord, you know it’s all I ever hear.
No one aches, no one hurts, no one even sheds one tear.
But he cries, he weaps, he pleads, and he cares for your needs,
and you just lay back and keep soaking it in.
I heard Steve Camp perform this Keith Green song (Asleep in the Light) at church camp here in Texas in 1995. He was leading worship (really performing his album “run to the battle”) all week. Out of the whole week of music, that was the one song that touched me.
I can’t hear this song without being challenged and inspired. Keith Green didn’t write “fluff” or anything to fill an album.
(Aside) I just had to comment on this post because I feel so close to all of you now. I guess I forgot that other people listened to the CCM-type music pretty seriously at one time.
This is kind of embarassing, but I remember marching around my front yard with a boom box blaring “This Means War” by Petra. You wouldn’t believe how at home I feel now.
You’re among friends, brother. This Means War was a big deal for me. I’d sing it in my best John Schlitt voice and even do the “WAR…War…war…war” echo for myself every chorus. Good stuff.
Damn it. I just went back and read the whole shebang (Antoinette – AWESOME to see you again! OMG, did you end up breaking Old Scratch’s back for realz?) and realized that I TWICE and independently posted the echo to the “This Means War”. That echo must’ve really meant something to me. Those of you who agonize over how many effects you should squeeze into a CCM song, you should. A person could get saved on reverb alone, clearly.
I loved “This Means War.”
Loved it.
All the king’s horses… rokk’n'rulez.
Here’s a line that I dug up for a bible study a couple of weeks ago from the great Steve Taylor. Prophetic?
When the closets are empty and the clinics are full
and your eyes have been blinded by society’s wool
When the streets erupt in your own backyard
you’ll be on your knees praying for the national guard
If you don’t care now how the problems get solved
you can shake your head later that you never got involved
’cause the call came ringing from the throne of gold
but you never got the message ’cause your mind’s on hold