Some of you know that I am (or was, depending on how you measure past tense) writing a novel. Those of you who know this also probably know that I’ve had one heckuva case of writer’s block for about two months, which is downright disillusioning when you consider this is my first crack at it. Isn’t writer’s block something you get after you’ve got a National Book Award or a Pulitzer under your belt? Don’t you kind of have to earn it?

Apparently not.

I’ve had the devil’s own luck anwering that age-old question: What happens next? The answer that keeps presenting itself: You have absolutely no idea, sucka.

Enter Pixar Man. My boss, Bill (some of you met him last Friday night. He was the one who ill-advisedly sang “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?” and you’re crazy if you think I love Jesus too much not to blackmail him for a raise) went to school fifteen years ago with a guy who is now a story artist for Pixar. This guy happened to be in the Ventura area this week, and Bill convinced him to do a seminar on the creative process of story.

Oh, yeah.

It was humbling and so much more to sit there and listen to this wildly entertaining guy tell me stuff I already knew and to lap it up like gin from the cat dish. As he reiterated the basics of great story, I realized with a groan that Lack of Structure ain’t just a town in Switzerland. It’s my Problem. The Reason for My Writer’s Block.

Argh. Blech. Pfsaw.

I’m not out of the woods, but I’m back to the drawing board. Instead of trying to answer “What happens next?” I’m getting all modern up in the hiz-ouse and asking “What elements of story do I have already, and which ones did I forget along with my lunch money?”

As a public service, I’m including those elements here. They apply every time, unless you’re one of those writers who are doing everything they damn well can to throw off the yoke of Story Fascism. (This sometimes works well, just not for me. See anything by Chuck Palahniuk…but even he likes his crises and climaxes.) I’ll use Pixar Man’s examples:

1. Inciting event (Buzz Lightyear moves into Andy’s Room)
2. Progressing complications (Buzz becomes Andy’s favorite toy; Woody tries to push him out the window)
3. Crisis (Buzz and Woody end up in evil-kid Sid’s house and Woody has to make A Decision)
4. Climax (Woody makes The Right Choice and he and Buzz scare the bejeezus out of Sid, escaping into the sunset)
5. Resolution (Buzz and Woody become friends, and together protect and boss around the other Citizens, er…toys)

And They All Lived…